


headlights on the hillside

by dramamine_qt



Category: Salvation (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caregiver Harris Edwards, Little Headspace, Little Liam Cole, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, S01 E06: Chip off the ol' block, age play as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramamine_qt/pseuds/dramamine_qt
Summary: Having murdered professor Croft had been a lot for Liam to handle and that added to Jillian's departure and his little trip to rob Darius' uncle made him feel vulnerable and alone. Struggling, Liam found solace in an unexpected someone.
Relationships: Liam Cole & Harris Edwards, Liam Cole/Harris Edwards
Kudos: 9





	1. don't look too far

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo!
> 
> Liam is such a baby, I couldn't resist. The little interaction he and Harris had during S01 E06 was enough for me to want to see a story about them together.
> 
> I've never written this theme before so I decided to give it a try, I find the Little/Caregiver dynamic fascinating and with a lot to explore. None of Little!Liam appearances will involve sexual aspects, but maybe I'll have Big!Liam and Harris to get involved romantically. 
> 
> The title is from "Bigger than us" by White Lies.
> 
> I hope I haven't made too much of a fool of myself and that you enjoy the reading!

“You’re a real hero, Liam,” Harris told him and it was like Liam’s heart was inflating inside his chest. “Hey, you ever need to talk to someone about Croft… I’ve been there.”

And Liam needed to talk about what had happened. 

The mission's success half relieved his heart with an injection of accomplishment and half left him in shambles, tired to the bone after some consecutive emotional turmoil.

He wished he could say it all started with him murdering professor Croft, but it truly had begun when he received the alert about the imminent end of the world through his phone.

Life was a crazy bitch, and Liam surely wasn't made to deal with that.

Okay, scratch this, Liam totally could and would deal with that – the future of humankind was at stake after all – but he had reached a point where some help was necessary.

So, when Harris offered to listen to him, Liam actually considered it.

He pondered his options.

Jillian was gone, and he didn't blame her for wanting to live the rest of the life she had as she pleased. Liam was tied to this entire situation, but she wasn't. What he could do for her now is to give all he had to guarantee that the rest of her life would last more than three months.

Darius was a bastard. No one could deny his intelligence and strategic potential, the man could see miles ahead from everyone else and manipulate whoever he wanted like in a game of chess, but his social tact was lacking. Emotions clearly weren't Darius' forte and Liam was too mad to let it slide this time. If Tanz wanted to be trusted, a lot would have to change in their relationship.

And that was the entire list of people he could rely on. His loneliness weighed a ton on his chest.

"I'd like that." Liam blurted out after Harris had let go of his shoulder and was turning to be greeted by Grace. Talking about trust, Liam didn't know the man at all and he knew that a government pawn shouldn't be his choice of support, but he was having a hard time seeing Harris as a Deputy Secretary of Defense and more like the person who shot the bad guy so Liam didn't have to.

Harris pressed a hand to his face and nodded understandingly. Liam let out a deep breath, after a succession of disasters, receiving some praise and kindness was a pleasant change.

Soon Darius and Grace approached them and Liam knew there was no more space for him anymore. There was a love triangle going on between them and, really, Liam had enough problems to care about this one too.

* * *

Being alone in the apartment he shared with Jillian sucked. That Darius apologized to him and tried to explain himself was good but didn’t make a lot of difference in how miserable Liam was feeling. 

The thought of pressing the ‘fuck it’ button and running away from everything – as he did at the start – was tempting, but he couldn't stop caring, especially after everything he went through. The image of his mentor lying down lifeless, the blood on his hands, the feeling of holding a gun, wouldn't leave him. 

Liam couldn't sleep without being haunted by nightmares. On them, when he wasn't killing he would be killed or watching someone he cared about dying without him being able to save them. Sometimes the nightmare was something close to what he heard about the apocalypse with people agonizing hopelessly while the earth fell apart. The worst version of this last scenario was the angry and disappointed yells pointing out Liam's failure, accusing him of not having been good enough to come up with a solution.

In one of his terrible nights, Liam was laying down awake, staring at the ceiling and unable to come back to sleep after waking up at the sound of his own screams. He'd managed to get around two hours of sleep and, oh god, he was so tired he wanted to cry.

He barely registered the sound of his phone chiming with a notification from an unknown number. 

_ This is Harris. I wanted to check on you. I’m sorry we couldn’t have that talk yet. You can hit me up if you need to.  _

Liam’s heart rate picked up. His sudden nervousness was probably because he hadn’t thought the man would keep up with his offer. He was an important person, no way he would bother with Liam’s petty problems.

Why would Harris care if Liam couldn't sleep and was on the verge of a mental breakdown? 

Anyway, Liam made the call.

"Liam, what's wrong?" Was the way the man answered, and, yeah, it was almost five in the morning, of course, he'd be concerned. Not to say that Liam waited like five seconds after the text message to reach him.

"Hi… hello. Hm. You told me to hit you up." Liam low key hated himself for not confidently following through. "Sorry it's so late."

"No need to be sorry, I'm glad you called me." There was still concern on his voice, but a different kind, Liam's tone hadn't indicated a pressing situation like an attack or another kidnapping scenario, but everything else pointed that he wasn't well. "Having trouble sleeping?"

"How do you do that?" Liam started, a pathetic tear escaping from the corner of his eye making him rub his face forcefully, willing himself to keep it together. "How can you keep on living normally like nothing happened?”

He heard the man moving around and sitting somewhere. Liam tried hard not to feel guilt for taking his time.

“Liam, I wish I could tell you a formula of how to recover, how to forget, but there is none.” Harris talked in a firm but not unkind way. “There’s no normal life after that. What we have is what was done and how we perceive it. I know that right now you might feel guilty, angry, inhuman even, and that’s okay. What I can tell you is that it won’t be like this forever.”

“How could he do that to me?” Saying that Liam started crying. Everything was so unfair! Croft had no right to put him in that position, to betray them and threaten Liam like that. How dared Croft say that he was like a son to him and point a gun to his face? “I didn’t want to… I… why didn’t he let me leave?”

“Yes, that was a choice he could’ve made, but he decided not to. Croft stripped you from your choices and you had to do whatever it took to survive.” Harris paused and, for a moment, the only sounds between them were Liam’s sobs and attempts to slow down his feelings. "The situation was cruel and you made the better of it, believe me, the pain is unavoidable but you living and making your way out with no training was outstanding."

"I… still had time to think of a plan after… after I shot him."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Me too."

"Really, you're an amazing kid, Liam. Look at what you're doing now, saving the world. You shouldn’t have to go through any of this.”

Liam didn’t know what to say anymore, he was tired and hurting, talking to Harris did make him feel less alone but the man couldn’t help him, couldn’t take that out of Liam’s chest.

“I’m gonna be alright... “ Liam said after taking a deep breath. “I’m gonna turn off the phone. Sorry… ahn, sorry it’s so late. I don’t want to bother.”

“Don’t worry about it, you have a lot going on inside your mind. As I’ve told you, I’ve been there.” There was a pause and Harris cleared his throat before saying: “Do you want me to come over? I think it’s better if you aren’t by yourself right now.”

The ‘no’ was on the tip of Liam’s tongue. He was already ashamed of himself for calling and crying into the man’s ears, being an extra bother would be too much. But he’d never felt so small before and Harris had offered, hadn’t he? He was a busy and important man, if making Liam company was a burden, he wouldn’t ask. 

Coming from anyone else, Liam would feel himself being pitied, but Harris really had been there. He knew.

“Okay.” Was what came out of his mouth after all. “I live in one of the Tanz bungalows. It’s the-”

“I got it. I’ll be there in twenty.” He said, moving around wherever he was. “Stay where you are, wait for me. Deal?

“Deal.” Liam let out a shaky breath and finished the call. He didn’t even have to convince himself to trust Harris because he’d done it before and things went out well – “Stick to me like glue, and I’ll get us both home safe. Deal?”, Harris had said back then, and he kept his word. 

What happened further that morning felt like a fever dream for Liam.

Harris arrived and saw Liam’s terrible appearance. “When was the last time you ate?”

The scientist had to think for a bit, trying to remember if the breakfast food he had eaten was really at breakfast time or for lunch, and his hesitation was answer enough for Harris. 

“Right, sit down somewhere comfortable and let me make you some food.”

“What? No, why?” Liam held Harris’s forearm since the man was already finding his way to the kitchen. “You don’t… you know, you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“Yeah, I don’t have to, but I will anyway.” He smiled and put his hands on Liam’s shoulders. “You clearly aren’t well and I’m already here. I want to help.”

Liam nodded and led him to the worst-kept room of the house. The same way sometimes Liam would forget to eat or sleep, he also forgot to clean and organize – and that was at his normal, imagine when he was so out of his game like he had been since the kidnap. 

He sat at the table while Harris checked the cabinets and the fridge until it satisfied him. Liam felt weird like his body was vibrating, restless, and with a gut feeling of not knowing what to do or how to behave in the situation he was in. That Harris seemed to know and was somewhat relaxed made Liam feel a bit better, but being lost was miles away from his comfort zone.

“Why are you being nice to me?” he asked after accepting the glass of water Harris put in front of him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because… we’re not close… I guess.” Liam wasn’t the most articulated person when he was sleep-deprived. “I'm not complaining, but… why do you care?”

Harris had thrown together a plate of salad and some juice, he sat down and made a gesture for Liam to eat.

“That’s a really hard question to answer.” the man chuckled. “This entire apocalyptic situation going on is extremely stressful.” he started as if he was just now organizing his own thoughts, which amused Liam because that was a very human way to act and it was a nice thing to see in a guy like Harris. “I’ve been up and down trying to revert something that is completely out of my control and surrounded by political strings that I honestly don’t understand. So, I thought, why not help that heartbroken kid that just got traumatized and don’t have anyone to take care of him? I mean, this I can do without having to keep secrets, lie or answer to any fucked up bosses.”

Liam was impressed by the calm and controlled way Harris delivered this monologue. He also cringed a bit at the ‘heartbroken kid’ part but that was what he deserved after coming up to Darius’ throat, accusing him of being responsible for Jillian and him breaking up, in front of Grace and Harris. 

He didn’t know what to say in response but he was feeling so much better about everything now that he was aware of Harris’s motivation.

What he wasn’t aware of was about what kind of help he was being offered. Harris came to his apartment wearing his usual outfit like he was ready to go to work but didn’t hesitate to take off the suit and tie and fix something for him in the kitchen. The way he talked to Liam was patient and easy but not patronizing, which was promising.

Liam knew what kind of help he needed.

Back then, when he was just an MIT student living his college life, Liam had learned a lot about himself. One of his learnings was that there was so much pressure and distress Liam could take, normally he pushed himself as much as he could, always eager to prove his worth and capacity (and there was a lot to prove looking so young and having that childlike passion and energy around him) and when he reached that limit his brain had a peculiar way to force him to shut down and give himself time and rest for his own denied needs.

His age regress used to be a thing that occurred from time to time and where he’d stop worrying about whatsoever was eating him up, he’d play video games just for the fun of it, watch cartoons all day and swallow a bunch of junk food. He kinda forgot he was supposed to be a scientist who wrote papers after papers that turned the coolest things into the borest things.

He’d never been too little to require a caregiver or any items he knew were common between regressors such as pacifiers and stuffed animals, but he adored feeling comfortable and carefree.

Even if he could do that by himself Liam really, really, didn’t want to. In this headspace everything was so much more intense – little things could make him wonder and enjoy the simple fact of being alive – and the total unhappy state he was in made him want to curl in on himself and cry.

Liam didn’t want to fully drop, but that was coming for some time now and the mere presence of Harris made him feel safer. Even Harris’s voice on the phone was soothing enough for Liam to move away from the bad thoughts that had been plaguing him.

“And how are you gonna do that?” Liam asked, pulling and holding the end of the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

“Well, at first I thought you just needed to vent with someone, talk it all out – and I still think you need to do that, but later, when you’re… bigger. Right now I think you need to be looked after.”

Liam gasped and leaned on the table, getting closer to Harris and whispering to him, making sure to keep the secrecy of it by half covering his mouth with a cupped hand. “How do you know?”

Harris went with the game and whispered back, “I’m really observant.”

With a serious nod, Liam accepted the answer as totally reasonable. Of course Harris would figure it out, they trained him to see things.

“Also, I knew that it could happen.” Harris continued, talking normally. “One because it’s something usual with people that are struggling. Two because I had to know you very well when you came to work here with us.”

Liam covered his head with the hood of his sweatshirt and pulled the strings, so it partially hid his face. He knew. No one was supposed to know, not even Jillian should know because many people didn’t like it when he was like that.

“And three, by the way you talk, it’s cute.” Harris went on, his voice was smiling. Liam looked at him, maybe if he looked really hard he could see if he meant what he was saying. “I get it and I want to take care of you right now. What do you say?”

Liam hummed, thinking. That probably wouldn’t be terrible. Harris was big, he knew things, and he was gentle.

Not knowing how to respond, Liam just gave him a nod and started to eat his food. A salad wouldn’t be his first choice for a six in the morning snack, but the loud crunching it was making when he chewed was nice and he kinda felt like a recent watered plant.

While he was at it, Harris was silently cutting some fruits inside a bowl. He was being very methodical about it and Liam decided he was more than okay with Harris doing that to make things easier for Liam but also to distract himself by focusing on what was in hand.

“That’s cool.” Liam said, finally, and when Harris looked at him waiting for some elaboration, he smiled and continued, “no one ever peeled an orange for me.”

Harris blurted a laugh.

“No one? Not even when you were a kid?”

“I mean, I guess my mom had done it, but I remember well enough the day she taught me how to do it so I could do it by myself.”

"Well, it's a useful skill to have." 

"Yep. But your hands smell all citric for the rest of the day, it gets under your nails, you know?”

“Like this?” Harris teased him with the tips of his fingers, getting close and letting Liam duck just to be at his face again. Liam caught Harris’s wrist, laughing, a bit out of breath. “Oh no, you won this time, didn’t you?”

“Smelly hands out of my face, please.” he felt way lighter after being sad for so long. Letting go of Harris’s arm, Liam brought the bowl of fruit close to himself and started eating.

“Be at it while I clean it up, alright?” Harris messed up Liam’s hair and went to do something with the pile of dishes that had been built up for a couple of days. Some of it he put on the dishwasher and he left some of it soaking.

Liam thought about what would happen next. It was late – or early – and he didn’t want to be alone yet. 

By himself, Liam was sure he’d remember and feel bad again.

“Want to try getting some sleep?” the man asked.

“Hm, I don’t know. What if I have nightmares?”

“That would be terrible.” Harris leaned his hip on the sink and scratched his chin. “But you need to sleep, right? What if your brain is half dead while you’re working on the EM driver?”

“Bad.” Liam shivered with the idea of him failing this and causing the literal end of the world.

“Yeah. So you have to be all good to work.” when Liam nodded with a certain reluctance Harris raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

"I'm not tired." He replied, lying through his teeth. "I was tired before but not anymore."

"Yeah? So… what do you want to do now that you're so awake?"

"Talk to me."

"We are talking."

"No, I mean, you look like you have a lot of things to talk about."

Harris also looked like he was trying not to laugh at Liam's antics.

“Okay, right. I can think of some stories I can tell you.” He said, going back to the living room and got himself comfortable on the couch. Liam followed him and threw himself at Harris’s side before promptly hugging his own legs and resting his chin on the knees facing Harris’s direction. “Are you an action boy or a fairytale boy?”

“Both!” 

“There’s something you don’t like?” 

Liam thought for two seconds and shocked his head.

“Even scary stories?” Harris asked, amused, feigning surprise.

“They’re the best!”

“You’re a very brave kid, I see.”

“The bravest!” Liam said proudly but suddenly feared that maybe Harris would tell him one of those and even if he liked to be scared sometimes, he didn’t want that at the moment. “But I want happy now. Happy and sunny.”

“Hm, that’s gonna be easy then. How it sounds if I told you a story from when I was a kid. Did you know my grandma lived at the beach?”

“No way! That’s so cool!”

And with that, Liam was sold. He attempted to stay awake and hear every word Harris was saying but his voice was too soothing and Liam felt too comfortable to not fall asleep.

* * *

When he woke up, Liam was laying down on the couch, a blanket covering him and a glass of water and a note on the side table. 

It was noon already. Noon!

Liam picked up his phone and found a dozen texts from Darius and a bunch of news notifications. There was also the message Harris had sent him and, oh, yeah, ok, that happened.

So he knew. Harris had known that information for a while now and let Liam go to the mission, trusting him even if he could be little sometimes. He couldn’t help but find it really nice.

Biting his lower lip, Liam checked the note: 

_ I had to go to work, an emergence. I wish we had time to talk. Turn on the news.  _

_ Take care of yourself. _

_ Harris  _

Whatever news he'd see when he watched the news would probably be the same as his notifications and the same thing Darius had been trying to tell him. It was with a certain fear that he turned on the TV.

Russia had closed communication with the USA, the shit had hit the fan, and even if the EM drive were done and operating, it couldn’t be sent to space.

“Fuck.”


	2. you're about to see the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Harris keep stumbling into each other unexpectedly, maybe it's time to make it happen with purpose.

Liam thought having an asteroid coming to destroy the planet was bad enough, but apparently the outbreak of the Third World War was coming to compete with that. 

The future definitely wasn’t bright and the only thing left for Liam to do was, unexpectedly, spy on Amanda Neels.

Darius had yeeted himself with Grace to Russia hoping to establish some kind of communication, but it’d been a while since Darius contacted him last. His absence made Liam not just in charge of the gravity tractor construction but also of the group choosing the 160 people for the ark. No need to say he was having zero fun.

Darius could not come back and they wouldn't launch the only thing capable of saving the planet, the idea was enough to make Liam sweat and spend his day slightly nauseous, refusing to prepare himself for the worse.

Holding on had been a tough task for him though.

Liam had developed some kind of method to endure a high amount of pressure by taking it as much as he could and then letting all the stress go at once as a reward. That had been his modus operandi for a while now and it worked, but the entire situation he was in was unprecedented, no way he would just… adapt, not so quickly.

That he let himself have a moment of calm and peace in the middle of a storm, with no anchor to keep him this or that, exhausted him. His will to keep his brain adult and functioning was almost nonexistent and his only wish was to throw a full tantrum to convince himself to just go home and curly up until the bad things had passed.

Luckily, he was alone, sitting in front of a big screen looking at things that didn't belong to him, without having to pretend to have his shit together. 

Besides all that, he was having a hard time moving on from the breakup. Liam missed Jillian a hell lot and, even knowing that she needed space, he couldn’t stop himself from sending her texts after texts even with no response. To say it was childish was an euphemism.

The encounter he had with Amanda made things worse. It was unbelievable how low he could go, manipulating someone like he’d done that night. What else he would be obliged to do for a supposedly greater cause? Liam had already killed a man, why not finish becoming a complete scumbag by lying and playing with other people’s feelings, right? So what if he still felt like he had betrayed Jillian?

Dirty, disgusting hands.

And why was this for? A bunch of data that made little to no sense to him.

Maybe some other time it would, but Liam didn’t feel like paying attention. Everything was kinda fuzzy and pointless, and he wanted to go home.

It was late, Liam didn’t even know what time it was, and he was taken by surprise with the sound of footsteps approaching.

“Where is Darius?” Harris spoke from the door, entering the room like a storm. He looked serious, tired, and angry at the same time, and that made Liam even more anxious.

“Gone…” he answered, making himself small and wishing that Harris stopped asking questions. Liam couldn’t disappoint Darius by revealing his location, but he also didn’t want to further irritate Harris. He’d never seen the man like this before and he didn’t want to have all his sharp edges directed at him.

“Goddamnit, Liam!”

Liam hated when people yelled at him. There was no need for it, not when Liam had been nothing but doing his best. Not when he’d been bending backward to do the right thing while everything else insisted to go against it. Not now that he was giving himself a headache trying to keep some sort of focus when his entire being was fighting him to stop.

They were in an office, and Liam could not cry. No crying. He turned to the other side from where Harris angrily paced, and pretended to look very hard at the screen. They were in an office, talking about serious things and doing serious work. Harris had been gentle at his apartment because Liam was little, but here Liam could not be little. Here was a place where he should be big and big people don’t cry because they were tired and someone was mean to them.

“He took Grace with him, didn’t he?” Harris went on, fuming.

Liam bit his lower lip. 

“Don’t put me in the middle of this.” his voice wavering.

He hoped that the silence that followed his answer meant that Harris had left or, at least, stopped bothering him with questions.

The man could intimidate and Liam knew that, but he had seen gentler parts of him and he’d rather have that. He wanted that. He needed that.

An audible sigh came from behind him and not much later a hand touched his shoulder. Harris looked unsure of what to say, searching for words on Liam’s face, which was satisfying to see when Liam basically had ‘handle with care’ written on his forehead.

“Hey Liam,” he started, “I’m sorry I talked to you like that. I’m… there’s a lot going on right now.”

Liam nodded. He knew that too, and he also understood exactly where all the urgency came from. What he couldn’t help was feeling tired and hurt. 

“Are you okay?” Harris asked, and that was the last drop. Liam didn't have words, but he sure had tears and they decided to come out all at once. “Oh, no.”

Harris pulled him closer and let Liam cry with his face pressed on his shirt, soothingly caressing his hair. The boy was ashamed of breaking down like this and the way he’d found to not make things worse was to hold on to Harris and hide his messy face from him.

All the time, Harris told him it was okay and that he was a good kid and that he was sorry, Liam focused on the touches and the words to calm down, until he didn't feel like he was floating around anymore.

At some point Liam stopped sobbing and put some space between him and Harris, he cleaned his face with his own sleeves and felt terrible for having ruined the man’s shirt.

“I’m sor-ry.” 

“No reason to be sorry.” Harris crouched, and he looked way softer than when he arrived, a hand warm on Liam’s knee, helping ground him. Harris really was observant. “We all have been working more than we can. It’s too much sometimes.”

Once again Liam nodded, it wasn’t easy for anyone.

“I don’t want to upset you even more.” Harris continued. “But I need to know where they are.”

Sniffling, Liam rubbed his eyes. Crying always made him both sleepy and heavy in the head. His body weighed as much as a planet and he leaned over, resting his head on Harris’s shoulder, who immediately started combing Liam’s hair with his fingers. Yeah, now they were talking. 

“Liam, they could be in danger and I won’t be able to help if I don’t know where they are, do you understand that?”

“You’re mad at’hem.” he answered, eyes already closed.

“I’m not mad. I’m worried and a bit sad they didn’t trust me.” Harris gave him something close to a hug. “I’m gonna lift you up, do  _ you _ trust me?”

Liam felt so small he didn’t even stop to think that maybe he’d be too tall or too heavy to be carried around, he just nodded, more like a nuzzle where Harris’s neck met his shoulders. 

Harris chuckled. “Hold on to me.”

And then he did it like Liam weighed nothing to him and the sensation of being cradled in someone’s arms like that was amazing, why did Liam never search for a caregiver before? Why? It was way funnier than being alone all the time.

Liam clung to him like a monkey and when Harris sat down on the sofa, he just stayed there on his lap. 

It was weird how much not weird it was.

“I propose to you a deal, Liam.” Harris said and leaned back so they could see each other's faces and be sure that Liam was awake enough to hear him. “I’ll take you home, that’s for sure. But if you tell me where Darius and Grace are I can also tell you a story, stay until you sleep.”

He didn’t have to think much, his boss was already doing his thing in another country, it wasn’t like Harris could do something about it. Funny how something that was distressing him minutes ago didn’t matter that much to him anymore.

Liam nodded enthusiastically. “They’re in Moscow.” 

Harris raised his eyebrows and then sighed. “Of course they are… I suppose there is no way to contact them.” 

“Nope.”

“Well, that was easy.” Harris muttered to himself, unhappy with the information but not surprised, to Liam he said, “ready to go home?”

“Yes!” he answered and buried his face on Harris’s shoulder again.

“I can’t carry you all the way there.” he patted Liam’s back. “We’ll have to walk, can you do that for me?”

"I don't wanna."

“I can see that.” good that Harris found him amusing because Liam was Indulging (with the capital I) himself. “There are some people outside that door, don’t you mind if they see you?”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” Liam clumsily disentangled from the other man and plopped beside him on the sofa. “No.”

No way he’d been seen like that in a place where he was supposed to be a young genius scientist, where he’s Darius Tanz protegè and where he wanted to build a career in case the world kept existing after this crisis. 

“Right. But I got you, little man.” Harris stood up and offered a hand to Liam. “You can hold it the whole time and when we get there, I’ll carry you and tuck you to bed. That sounds good?”

People seeing him holding hands with Harris Edwards would be strange but way less strange than Liam being carried or Liam sulking like a baby because he felt needy and clingy and wanted touch.

So he accepted it.

The first steps out of the room were shy and unsure for Liam. He’d never thought of the possibility of being in this headspace inside the Tanz Industries, there was always a very clear wall between his little and adult spaces and the break of this division was really scary.

Harris had a firm grip on his hand and looked as calm as ever, seemingly unconcerned about what everyone else was thinking, even if Liam was walking really close to him trying to use his body to shield him from the world.

But the hesitation didn’t last forever. It was late at night and just a few people were still around, so hiding stopped being too big of an issue. And, well, how cool it was to be there! The place was a playground for him and everything looked so big and shiny! Soon he was talking his head off about the things they were seeing, pointing, and making sure to show Harris how awesome science was. 

Harris listened to him and asked questions sometimes, which made Liam even more excited. He felt kinda high. Having cried and talked and laughed as a little and letting people see it, letting  _ Harris _ of all people take part in it, was crazy.

It was a relief to finally get to his apartment. He moved on recently but really had grown on it, the place where he could take a deep breath and let outside problems outside. It was where he could pretend the world wasn’t about to end and have a glimpse of an easier time.

Liam ran inside and into his bedroom, leaving Harris to close the door and be confused in the living room.

“I gotta change!” he yelled, opening drawers and taking off his favorite sweatpants and sweatshirts and fuzzy socks he had for when he felt particularly little, they were soft and pretty. 

Getting rid of the clothes he wore during the day was the best thing ever, they felt harsh and dirt on his skin. Taking them off was like being free of the worries big Liam was trapped in.

Going back to Harris, Liam found him in the kitchen, a peanut butter sandwich ready for him on the table and juice being poured on a mug he got from his mother when he enrolled at MIT, it had the galaxy printed on it and was the least boring cup Liam owned. 

Liam was  _ content _ .

“You look comfortable.” Harris said, drinking some juice himself.

“Those are super comfy.” he buried his nose on his sleeve, loving the smell of the softener he used. “It’s nice.”

Liam talked the entire time, still kinda hyped up, but also slowed down, yawning and slurring his words sometimes. Harris let him, knowing well that once he laid down, he’d be gone.

“I guess I promised to tell you a bedtime story, didn’t I?” The man reminded Liam after he finished eating.

“Yes!” his first intent was to pull Harris into his room and be all wrapped up into his covers, but he suddenly felt hesitant to do it. For a start, it was a mess. Liam literally hadn’t tidied it since Jillian left. The closet was so cluttered he couldn’t even close the doors, the sheets hadn’t been changed in a while and laundry hadn’t been his priority recently (maybe those sweats were his only clean clothes left).

Then he thought his bedroom should be a no nevertheless, because even if he was warming up to Harris and was indeed looking out for touch and comfort, Liam also didn’t want to give him the wrong idea and he definitely didn’t want to talk about it right at that moment.

So, before Harris could ask what was going on inside his head, Liam just pulled him to the living room, on the same couch from last time, with the difference that Liam wasn’t shy to lie down and put his head on Harris’s lap, enjoying that it seemed to be automatic for him to caress Liam’s hair every time his head was close enough.

"What do you want for tonight, sweetheart?"

_ Whaat?  _ A pet name! 

Liam felt his face burn, listening to it was so good Liam didn't even know how to react, he just buried his face on Harris's stomach, curling up and feeling like his insides were about to explode with all the butterflies attempting to come out of him.

Harris chuckled and scratched the nape of his neck, welcoming Liam's position. "May I choose?"

The boy just nodded. With closed eyes, Liam was delighting himself on how warm and solid Harris felt around him.

"Okay, I think I have the perfect fairy tale to tell you." And Harris went on talking about a brave little prince and his adventures on a magic land.

Someday Liam would not be so tired and he would listen to the stories till the end, but today was not the day. That night Liam dreamed of a shiny armored knight and his eyes looked a lot like Harris's.

* * * * *

Once again Liam woke up on the couch, but this time he wasn’t alone. He was using Harris’s lap as a pillow and the man was already awake, scrolling through his phone.

_ Oh God. _

Liam sat down so fast his head spun a bit, rushing to put some distance between him and Harris. He had no idea of what to think or what to do, the shame of everything that happened fell on him at once.

The last time it was easy to ignore because a crisis exploded right after, but now Harris was in front of him, looking amused and relaxed while Liam was about to freak out.

“Good morning, Liam.”

“Good… morning.” 

“We don’t have much time, I think we should talk now.” Harris put the phone down.

“Ok… right. Talk. Let’s talk.” Liam held up a finger and stood up. “But I definitely need coffee first.”

Halfway to the kitchen, Liam remembered his good manners. “Do you want some?”

“Sure, black no sugar, please.”

While doing his best to focus on this simple task, Liam started spiraling into his insecurities. What if Harris told him to get a grip and act like his age? What if he was disgusted and just went along to avoid even cringer situations? What if he told him to get help, that he wasn't normal?

Worse of all, what if he wanted to send Liam away because he wasn't fit to deal with their current problems?

With two cups of black coffee and no sugar (nothing like a bitter shitty tasting coffee to keep his mind clear), Liam came back, walking like he was about to receive a death sentence.

"Thanks." Even if Harris was smiling and didn't look like someone who could easily ruin Liam's entire life, it wasn't enough to calm him down. He knew how relentless the man was when needed. "So, I-"

“Wait! Before you start… I have some things to say." Liam took a deep breath and started, "first of all, I’m sorry, I don’t… really control it. Sometimes it just happens and I could have screwed up everything, so, yeah, I'm really sorry.”

Liam took a big sip of his coffee the same way he’d take a shot and it was like a part of his soul left him.

“Second of all, I’d like to thank you. You didn’t have to help and take care of me, but you did anyway and I really appreciate that.” Liam didn’t like to depend on people in his regular life, but he had to admit that having someone make him company while he was little was really nice. He had always been hesitant to let others see that side of him, thinking they might not understand it and because he was afraid to lend that much power to someone else. “I… there’s a lot of kinky shit about littles on the internet and I’m glad you knew what to do and didn't, you know, took advantage of me.”

“Third of all… I don’t really know what else to say. I just…”

That was it. Liam had just woken up, and he already felt exhausted.

“Okay, Liam, relax.” Harris let his muggle on the side table and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I get it. It’s a valid coping mechanism, and it works for you, doesn’t it? Does being little make you feel good?”

“I- Yeah, I guess. It’s fun.” to say that Liam was confused was an euphemism. “It’s just… this isn’t  _ normal _ , right? I mean, everyone says they want to go back to when they were kids but you don’t see anyone pretending to be one out there, do you?”

“Liam, you just told me you don’t control it, how that can be you pretending?” 

“I don’t know, ok? I don’t know- Why are we even talking about it? Do I enjoy feeling small? Yes. Do I like it? No! I’m supposed to be an adult, to be responsible, and to do my job as a fucking functional member of this fucking society. So, yeah, regressing isn’t exactly what I call valid.”

Maybe the lack of negative response from Harris made Liam fill the gaps himself, putting on the table his own feelings and prejudice, all the reasons he didn’t talk about that, why he didn’t look into the community or tried to understand his situation better and find a place for himself.

“You  _ are _ responsible and you sure do your job, really well, considering that you could make the impossible happen inside that lab. Taking time for yourself to be whatever you want or need to be is absolutely fine.” Harris was clearly making an effort to choose the right words. “I know it’s not my business, but I can’t help but feel involved somehow and I worry.”

Liam opened his mouth to interrupt him, but this time Harris was the one to make a gesture for him to just listen.

“I worry because I’m seeing you wearing yourself off to the point where your brain has no other choice but to force you to stop.” Harris said. “I can’t tell you to go easier with yourself because the circumstances are critical and, yeah, there’s a lot of work to do with a lot at stake, but, I think you should allow yourself some time to rest, be little, take care of yourself, in a safer way.”

“I- what?”

Harris stood up, checking his watch and looking apologetically to Liam.

“I really need to go now. Think about what I said.” The man collected his suit and tie. At the door, he stopped and turned back. “One more thing. Actually, two more things. First, I’m glad to help if you decide to slip in a controlled place.”

“Really?” Frowning, Liam licked his suddenly dry lips. “Are you offering to what? Be my caregiver?’

“Yeah. Those couple times with you were nice. You can be really cute.” Harris smirked and Liam couldn’t help but be flustered.

To change the subject he asked, “what’s the second thing?”

The playfulness disappeared from Harris’s face, and Liam missed it instantly.

“Where did you get the pictures you were analyzing yesterday?” 

Oh, Liam almost had forgotten them. He almost forgot every other problem in the world aside from him and his younger self. 

“Amanda Neels.” he answered, making a face. Everything about her made him uncomfortable.

“The reporter?”

“Yeah.”

Harris nodded, looking down and getting lost in thoughts. He let out a frustrated sigh and let his eyes wander back to Liam. “Thanks, Liam.”

And with that, he was gone. Liam was sure that part of his thoughtfulness was caused by Grace. There were many pictures on Amanda’s phone, from the Embassy Ball to Atlas. Harris once told him how stressful lying and keeping secrets was – and that under some resemblance of control –, he imagined how it was now that the issues were blowing up, one by one.

He sighed too.

In the kitchen, Liam threw out all that awful coffee and honestly to god went on some chocolate milk. He deserved it.

Liam always thought about his infantile moments as pure guilty pleasure, an inconvenience that happened to be enjoyable but too wrong to endorse. 

Searching on the internet, he’d found all kinds of content, especially littles being happy and living awesome lives with their daddies and mommies (Liam tried to visualize himself calling Harris Daddy and his face felt so hot he was sure it was bright red). Or some littles happy with themselves, accepting that side of them and fitting it into their lives.

That was what Harris was advising him. Which made sense, because most of the time Liam felt like a pressure cooker, with tension building until the point it got out of his hands. If he released some pressure from time to time, maybe it would help him balance his life.

But what contributed to Liam’s decision was to think about Harris and all the shit that went down in the next couple days, when Grace and Darius came back from Russia bringing a solid solution for their problem and Harris still felt compelled to arrest Grace anyway. The history between them clearly there, Harris’s hurt showing up.

Liam was sick of thinking about himself and his own wellbeing (as bad as it sounded). Harris told him the first time that taking care of him helped, it was like they were on their own bubble for some hours and the rest didn’t affect them, so it wouldn’t be terrible if it benefited them both, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd be done with two chapters but it turns out I want MORE. Let those boys be happy and soft T-T.  
> Also, I'm a sucker for dynamic negotiation and for men talking about their feelings, so yeah, I'm working on a third chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are really appreciated!
> 
> Hugs!


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